something to work on

It’s beginning to connect in my conscious thoughts how severely underdeveloped I really am in the areas of emotional and verbal communication. I can show affection. Mild feelings come easily, especially feigned or forced affection but I have difficulty trusting to the point of being a skeptic in most relations I have with others. A good friend of mine upset me in a way that I rarely ever allow and my reaction unnerved me. Instead of remaining angry and hurt, I rationalized my emotional reaction and tried to get to the core of what bothered me in the situation.

The results I came up with sent me searching through databases for answers.

Personal reflection:

I don’t trust enough. From my already doubting perspective, many minor things can seem intentional, most miscommunications and misinterpretations that can be easily explained can be over analyzed by my already over active mind. And strangely, I’ve developed this keen ability to tell when someone is lying or uncomfortable with telling the entire truth. I over compensate for over analyzing by allowing things that would bother any sane person to drift by unattended until my quota is filled. Even then, I can still tolerate inhuman amounts of strain without saying a word. I usually wait to have my thoughts, emotions and logic in order before I approach the source of discomfort. It is rare for an individual who has ruffled me emotionally to understand the effect they had on me even when I try to inform them of the ways in which I was affected because I have issues with displaying strong emotional reactions.

The greatest example of this was my closest friend telling me that he gets goose pimples when I tell him he has done something that annoyed or hurt me. We have been close friends for almost a decade and he knows me, my ways and though processes better than anyone else who knows me. He said I have a serious tone that I take with him; and he has seen me do it with others; where I smile and politely say what made me react in a stern, cold voice, how it happened, why it happened and my proposition to avoid its recurrence. He laughed uneasily then and added, ‘I feel unsure about whether I should take you seriously but I know you and I know I better take you seriously, but you never sound hurt when you say you’re hurt nor annoyed when you say you’re annoyed. I just have to trust that you are actually feeling those things and react like I would with a normal person.’ 

What is normal anyway?

 - The Records Keeper

http://www.peterhaiman.com/articles/effectsOfSeparationOnYoungChildren.shtml

(Source: lmnp)